Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Beaten and Not Good Enough

As ya'll may know... yesterday was the release of The Meaning of Tri from mindsettriathlon.com. Yes... my essay It's All About The Threesome was published in it... and don't get me wrong... I WAS excited for that. Well now the tables have turned because I wasn't chosen as one of the top three essays for the book. I didn't care about winning an underwater MP3 player... I just wanted to to podium as the top three. I feel defeated and beat... just like in the game of triathlon... when I didn't podium. Just like I have that thought of quitting triathlon... I want to quit writing because I'm NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I think the truth is... no matter how moving or inspirational someone said my essay really was... it's a HUGE lie. I haven't seen the other essays in the book... but mine is probably the suckiest of all and should have never been chosen.

More to come...

6 comments:

TriRed said...

That's such a defeatist attitude, Marci. Reread your own essay--it's the journey and not the prize that is the most important part of triathlon, writing, etc. I would doubt that you would ever tell someone who didn't podium that they suck and shouldn't even try, so why take that attitude yourself?

IronBob said...

10 4 on the TriRed comment. The only way to get better is to keep tri ing. Plus you do it because you want to improve and if awards follow, that is gravy but not the reason for the pursuit, unless it is your job of course.

Amy said...

Oh yeah? Think you never win anything? Then what's this LOVELY BLOG AWARD?!?! OK, seriously, this is more like an eighth grade chain letter than an award. No need to participate, as eighth grade is over. Enjoy it either way! http://bit.ly/HdafK

Colleen said...

Marci - it makes me sad that you have these feelings right now. I'm sure your essay was definitely one of the best, even though it didn't make the top three (what do they know???) and don't ever think that because you don't podium that you aren't good enough. If that were the case, tri's would be pointless!

Keep your head up girl!

Missy said...

Shit, if I quit everything that I THOUGHT I sucked at, I'd be 800lbs, sitting on my sofa eating chips and cheese dip, complaining about my bad knees and sore back.

I guess that's my perspective - I'm not a top 3 placer so does that make ME not good enough?

Rainmaker said...

Life is about winning and losing. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. That's alright, as you learn from both. Don't beat yourself up because something changed - you still did great and will do even better next time.