Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The Journey Has Just Begun...

As one door closes... a new door opens...

After almost a month long deal... my last day of group therapy dawned on me this morning. After going missing in action due to this ordeal... I visited the hospital every weekday morning to attend therapy... with others in a group setting. Therapy was a safe and happy place... I looked foward to being in attendance every morning. I was never judged by anyone who attended. No one once criticized me... no matter what I said... now matter how I said it... no matter how much my emotions spilled out. There were days I talked about what was making me depressed and anxious... and there were days where I sat there... listened to others... and gave them support in return.

At first I was embarresed... that yet again... I was attending some kind of therapy. But then... it was replaced by happiness... I was finally getting the help I needed. Over the past month I finally learned how to release what has been bubbled up deep inside for quite sometime... learned how to cope in healthy ways with lifes' stressors... I learned how dig deep inside myself only to help me help myself... and learned how to connect with others. In a months time the journey to finding myself has begun. I have a state of mind that I do love instead of hate myself... know that I am worthy of something and mean something to someone... isolating myself from others is not healthy... and caring for others is so important... especially those that I am close to and don't want to lose. These above findings and so many more are just to the start to a happier and healthier me. Though therapy is over... this journey will still continue on... this time without face to face contact everyday with my group of "brothas and sistas" as my therapists calls it!

As the end of therapy closed on upon me... the group got to say their goodbyes to me. So many statements said by those who I have come close with... brought me to tears... I was an emotional wreck. I got to say my goodbyes to the group as well... reflect on what the therapy has meant to me. Before we left to break for lunch I was give a copy of this poem by Robert Frost...

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
and sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
and looked down one as far as I could
to where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
and having perhaps the better claim
because it was grassy and wanted wear;
though as for that, the passing there
had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
in leaves no feet had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less travelled by,
and that has made all the difference


The group members all wrote their best wishes and other notes on the copy of The Road Less Traveled... to be kept as a keepsake and an inspiration for the path I am about to head down. Some were long... some were short... they all made me tear up. I read the poem... and we broke for lunch. At lunch I said my goodbyes... though I'll be keeping in touch with everyone.

So now that one door has closed... in this case group my time in group therapy... another door will open. The door is unknown... but I'm sure this past experience will help me in flying through it with shiny and bright colors.

More to come...

4 comments:

Spokane Al said...

" . . . with shiny and bright colors." I can't think of a better way to experience life!

triguyjt said...

all the best, marci.....

rebecca said...

What a positive outlook. I am proud of all your hard work and progress.
Much Love,
Rebecca

IronJenny said...

Glad to know you are re-thinking the whole thing and that you decided to love yourself. Everyday someone thinks of you and loves you, even if you aren't aware of it.
HAve a great day and a great race tomorrow!